I know planet Earth doesn’t quite look like the drawing I did. Haven’t you noticed yet that I can barely draw? Be indulgent, I’m doing what I can. You know what? It doesn’t matter, the world is coming to an end and I did everything I could to help you become such an amazing person, that everyone, everyone probably loves you by now. If you can’t get over my awful drawings and be thankful for all I did for you, you didn’t deserve me in the first place. It’s your loss, it’s your loss.
Some idiots have been saying that the world is not actually going to end. At least, not in the conventional way we’d expect it to end. No apocalypse, no explosions, no alien invasions, no beings from the underworld, no nothing. Boring – as – fuck. These hippies have been going all around saying that it’s the world as we know it that is ending. The way we live, think and behave will be changed for ever. Some even say that it’s the end of capitalism (lol). That’s a crazy thing to believe. I’d rather have the planet explode in a million pieces than getting my freedom taken away! Right?! Plus, we’re not idiots you hippies! We all know – well, at least me and my readers – that your lying. The Mayans have predicted that the world is ending, they put it on paper (or they carved it on rocks, I’m not really sure anymore). People who deny it are obviously afraid. Face it, you’ll die in less than a week and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Need proof? I already gave you the mayan argument… That’s not enough? What about the fact that everyone is talking about it? Huh? Why would be everyone on the World Wide Web be talking about this if it wasn’t true? Why would everyone in the streets making such a big deal about this? Just because we dodged a bullet on Y2K, doesn’t mean that we’re totally safe. Alright? What you need now, is to follow all the advice I’ve given you so far and apply it on your day-to-day life (there’s only like 7 or 6 days left anyway) and die happily. I mean, the world is obviously going to end, friends. Why else would I have made a blog if I didn’t know that I could get away from writing it in less than a week? If the Mayan calendar thing didn’t get the point across, I hope that what I just said did. Also, twinkies.
Life Lesson : I might not be able to prove that the world is going to end. But can you prive that it is not going to? Bam! Got you there.
ACTUAL ADVICE : I don’t know what I hated more about 2012 : the whole 12/12/12 thing or all this end of the world bullshit. You decide. Wait! This isn’t advice!
PROTIP : Hold tight to your money. You’ll need that in the afterlife.